The S##T I Wish Someone Had Told Me As A New Mom

02.01.2017

Every week I want to blog about something mommy related or Britt&Bo related, so this week my blog is the top ten things I wish someone had told me as a brand new mom!

1. Your belly is going to look like a deflated balloon. True story, think deflated Michelin Man. The good news is it will go back to normal…sorta.

2. When you see adult diapers go on sale, grab them, not just one pack or two, the whole aisle. And if you happen to get more than you end up using, you can always save them to use again in 40 years; or when you have your next kid, because God knows, as soon as you pop that one out everyone and their mother is going to start asking when you are going to have another one.

3. When people tell you, “oh just sleep when the baby sleeps,” you’ll want to slap them. Try not to, though, because the clink is no place for a new mother. After about the 10th time you’re up at night and your sleep “off” switch just don’t work on command, slap them mentally. It will make you feel better.

4. You are going to cry… A LOT. And it’s not going to make sense. You are going to cry about things that are not sad… at all… and you are going to ask yourself, “why am I even crying at this?” But you will. Do not even think of watching Finding Nemo. Trust me. You’re Welcome.

5. You are going to want to strangle your significant other. True story. I thought of smothering Allan in his sleep the first month Bodie was here (still sometimes to this day ;-0 ) Just breathe through it. You are always right, he is always wrong, I know this, you know this. But sometimes they don’t know it.

6. You will get peed on…. A LOT. Throw something over the pee-pee while changing… otherwise he will pee a Nike symbol on your wall, or on you, or both. I still get peed on to this day, and after about the 4th or 5th time, its normal and even funny! I know the sound all too well. Uhhhh, he is peeing on the floor again! No biggie, embrace it. You will be cleaning pee for pretty much ever.

7. You are going to lose your s**t. Seriously, you will have several breakdowns. Because hormones, lack of sleep, and life. So when someone offers to watch the baby while you take a break or a quick nap… TAKE THEM UP ON THE OFFER.

8. You will become an expert poop-archeologist. I am not going to go into any further details on that, but it’s going to happen.

9. If you are breastfeeding you are now a walking, talking, crying, cow.

10. You will never ever ever feel love deeper than you do at this moment.
Until you file your taxes for the first time with your new shinny dependent. Cha-Ching!!

Every week I want to blog about something mommy related or Britt&Bo related, so this week my blog is the top ten things I wish someone had told me as a brand new mom!

1. Your belly is going to look like a deflated balloon. True story, think deflated Michelin Man. The good news is it will go back to normal…sorta.

2. When you see adult diapers go on sale, grab them, not just one pack or two, the whole aisle. And if you happen to get more than you end up using, you can always save them to use again in 40 years; or when you have your next kid, because God knows, as soon as you pop that one out everyone and their mother is going to start asking when you are going to have another one.

3. When people tell you, “oh just sleep when the baby sleeps,” you’ll want to slap them. Try not to, though, because the clink is no place for a new mother. After about the 10th time you’re up at night and your sleep “off” switch just don’t work on command, slap them mentally. It will make you feel better.

4. You are going to cry… A LOT. And it’s not going to make sense. You are going to cry about things that are not sad… at all… and you are going to ask yourself, “why am I even crying at this?” But you will. Do not even think of watching Finding Nemo. Trust me. You’re Welcome.

5. You are going to want to strangle your significant other. True story. I thought of smothering Allan in his sleep the first month Bodie was here (still sometimes to this day ;-0 ) Just breathe through it. You are always right, he is always wrong, I know this, you know this. But sometimes they don’t know it.

6. You will get peed on…. A LOT. Throw something over the pee-pee while changing… otherwise he will pee a Nike symbol on your wall, or on you, or both. I still get peed on to this day, and after about the 4th or 5th time, its normal and even funny! I know the sound all too well. Uhhhh, he is peeing on the floor again! No biggie, embrace it. You will be cleaning pee for pretty much ever.

7. You are going to lose your s**t. Seriously, you will have several breakdowns. Because hormones, lack of sleep, and life. So when someone offers to watch the baby while you take a break or a quick nap… TAKE THEM UP ON THE OFFER.

8. You will become an expert poop-archeologist. I am not going to go into any further details on that, but it’s going to happen.

9. If you are breastfeeding you are now a walking, talking, crying, cow.

10. You will never ever ever feel love deeper than you do at this moment.
Until you file your taxes for the first time with your new shinny dependent. Cha-Ching!!